Friday, February 13, 2009

I am mother, hear me roar.

Friday is my grocery shopping day. As I meandered the protien bar aisle of the Super Walmart... there was a new mom, baby strapped to her chest, pushing a cart and talking to said baby.

I didn't even think twice about it... all mother's aimlessy chatter at thier new borns.

It wasn't until she started speaking to me that I noticed she'd become embarassed....

"Babies give us an excuse to talk to ourselves..." and she giggled a bit uncomfortably.

I laughed back.... smilling inwardly at her "new Momness".

"I totally understand... mine is almost three... although thankfully she talks back now so I don't feel so silly. We all do it.... I remember having full blown conversations with mine while she sat asleep in her car seat in front of me...."

She giggled... and smilled.. thankful I had empathized with her...... and she strolled on by.

I stood staring at the protein bar selection feeling warm and fuzzy inside... and a sudden realization occured...

I am no longer a rookie.

I am a seasoned mom now... a battle ax... I've survived the first 3 years of babyhood and come out on the otherside entering the realms of childhood with Rowan.

I don't think that woman looked up to me or anything lofty like that.. but I think my seasoned Mom-ness made her new Mom-ness feel a bit better about herself and her inexperience. Hearing from me that she was doing is exactly what all us mother's do, in some small way, probably made her feel more like a Mom.

I say this, because its hard when you first start out. You don't always feel like a mom in the beginning. You feel more like a woman with a baby... going through the motions.. but not necessarily feeling as though you've earned the stamp of "mommy" yet.

I remember the first time I truly felt like a mother. Rowan was 9 months old... she had her first really bad cold.... and during the night she got a fever of well over 102. She had been to the pede earlier in the day and had no infections or cause to worry so the pede told me simply to ride the fever out.

She was miserable...and was delirous with the fever.. unable to stay fully awake.. whimpering.. it was so horrible to watch.

But she needed me... she needed me every second... I couldn't put her down or walk away.. she needed to know that I was there, holding her... and making her feel as better as I could. Despite my exhuastion.... my own weariness, I had no desire to stop taking care of her. I had to take care of her... I wanted too... I needed too... She was my baby girl, and I was her mommy. No one in the world could have made her feel better and more safe in that moment than I. Just like when I was a child, my mother could make anything better, she could kiss the boo boo, or give a hug when sad... Mom's are all the medicine a child needs..... And that's when it hit home.

I was a mom.