Its hard to believe I've been chronicling my after sex thoughts now the last 2 months haha.
Anyhoodle.. last night I started reading my book again once hubs and I stopped talking and he fell asleep.
I've been reading Ishmael as I quickly noted earlier in the week. Its an interesting book and its really gotten me thinking about the human condition, and why we are in the place we are in.
I won't spoil the book be revealing to much, but I will mention that it goes into a lot of the reasons why humans don't live the same way an animal live, and the history of how we have gotten to the place we are in today.
It scares me. And like every generation it leaves me worrying about the world we'll leave to our children. Its so easy for us to say, Oh, they'll deal with it. But I don't want my baby to have to deal with anything. I want her to just live happily and healthily until she's old and content.
This got me to thinking about life, and how it will progress. And then I thought about my worst fear. The day Rowan moves out.
My goodness, this will happen someday. She will someday move out of our home. It'll just end up being Boo and I again....and she'll go off and create her own life. I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!!!
Is it wrong that I should want to keep her all to myself forever? What will we do at night? What about our walks around the block and playing at the playground?
Last night we lay snuggling in bed talking about Rowan. Boo mentioned that he can't remember at all what it was like before she came into our lives. "What did we do?" he asked. I giggled... and I said.."um... lots of this"
In all seriousness though, it wasn't an unhappy life. I told him we went for walks, we dreamed about the future, we went on Sunday morning drives, and late night snack runs to the cumby's across the street. We rented movies, we drank lots of beer and wine. We did what ever our heart desired, because we could.
But now that we've tasted the other side, the side with a child, can you really go back to being two people alone? I can't imagine it. I can't imagine a single day in my life with out Rowan there with us.
And this makes me sad... because I know I only have 15 short years left... just 15. 
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10 comments:
I like your deep thoughts Anabelle! Maybe there's a reason why I don't have any lately ; )
It is difficult to imagine your life without your child there but as my girls reach 13 and 15 1/2, I can see it coming. It doesn't scare me so much anymore because I realize it's just the way life works, and I look forward to a little more carefree life with my husband again.
That said, I miss my girls being little. How I wish I could have stopped time every now and then, but here we are, the same place you will be someday. Enjoy every moment you can of your daughters youth. It's such a precious time.
Sharon
I try to tell myself the change will be gradual.. that she'll grow to need me less and less and thus it won't be so bad.. but I dunno... I just want her to stay 3... i like 3 lol
hmm no deep thoughts eh? maybe some chocolate covered strawberries for dinner tommorow ;)
I have to say it really is a gradual thing. By the time they reach 7th grade they start to become more independant and you can see the maturity. Once they hit high school ... well, you remember, who wants mom and dad around? But they love me and we laugh and shop together and do things we couldn't do when they were young.
There's a lot of positive that goes along with children growing up. We can communicate better and I have a little more time to myself. The girls and I went to NYC last spring and this summer we'll head to boston, the beach, where ever we want to go because they don't have to take naps and they won't have a temper tantrum if they don't get their way. LOL! But darned they are expensive!
You will be ready when the time comes, believe me, but cherish those sweet years : )
Maybe some oysters would do the trick . . . or just plain shutting the tv off by 9:00!
that does sound like fun. I look foward to those fun girly teen years :) shopping, manicures etc etc
haha tv off by 9 would help.
of course I having a 30 year husband with an insatiable appetite... that always helps too lol
Great post - you put into words what I feel everyday.
I think Sharon hit the nail on the head with the gradualness of it all. I think, for me at least, it was like this with death. When I was a kid I never thought about it, when I was 20 I realized that I was going to die someday, ME - wow that hit me hard. Then at about 27 I told my mum how I felt, she assured me that the older I got the more natural it would seem. Maybe it's not like that for you with your religion, but for me that was a big statement.
I think it's the same with the kids getting bigger. Right now I can't imagine my life without them, but as they get older I'm sure I'll realize that's just the way it is.
Oh and looks like we're on the same schedule now :)
nice.. the same schedule lol hey i checked that stuff out the other day at the store, the stuff you told me about... remember?
well anyhoo.. its flippin expensive! lol
ps.. i like that you equate children to death ;)
HAHAHA - I don't equate them with death, so much...
really was it expensive? I honestly don't remember how much it was - i just got it 'cuz hubs asked. I thought it was like $10 though?
15 at Walmart!
Have you ladies ever read this blog? http://nycmomandmore.blogspot.com/
She's a wild and crazy mom! If you don't mind the language she'll give you a good snicker ; )
Thank goodness for a fabulous spring-like day!!!
ha! she's great.. i've added her to my following blogs :)
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