Wednesday, January 21, 2009

After Sex Deep Thoughts - 3

Not last night, but the night before... oh yes.. it was that time of the week again.

This week I thought about Boo and I...... and the ups and downs we've been through.

So I figured I'd take a few minutes and tell our story.

I've already blogged about how we met.... But after the initial "fall" into love, we continued on like most couples I suppose.

We were in college together... both had jobs... and we both had a life we were trying to merge together. At the time I had an apartment left over from my married days, and I had two young UNH kids living with me in my second bedroom to help pay rent. Barney wasn't prepared to move in with me when the ex moved out (It had only been a month)... so in came Dave and Corissa.

What a strange couple these two were... and having them in my home resulted in many many wars. My home is my sanctuary, and having to share it was already a sore spot... but then these two also ended up being slobs. They never cleaned their dishes, never helped out with regular housework and even ended up adopting a rabbit which left shavings alllll ovvvver the place.

We fought often.... although I should clarify, Corissa and I fought often. We tried desperately to make it work... but thankfully, after about 9 months or so... they finally left.

Boo moved in after we had dated 5 months... he was there every night anyways... why not join us and help pay some rent. And thus began our "adult live in" relationship.

Things with Boo and I got shaky right around a year. Things were going great... and I was totally head over heals for him. He however was going through some sort of "I just graduated college what do I do with my life now" mid twenties crisis. He interviewed for jobs... and finally accepted one as a manager trainee with a local Nuts and Bolts distributor. He hated it.... Barney has never been the type of guy to work in an office.. wear a tie... all that crud. He's a dirty man type of man.. you know... knuckle to the grind stone.. work hard... get messy... make things. He always has been.

He struggled with that for a long time.... he changed jobs back to UNH where he picked up his duties again as the Tools and materials supervisor... ie.. tool guy haha He liked to give himself a fancy title though. Basically he did material runs for all the various construction crews and made sure they had the tools on site that they needed.

He didn't hate this job.. but it wasn't going anywhere either.

One day he came home. He was very upset.... frantic almost... and asked that we could talk. So we sat down... and that's when he dropped the bomb.

He wanted to move to NC and get a job working on a race crew down there. It had always been a dream of his... and now that he was frantically searching for a purpose in his life, he felt this was going to fill it.

But..... he had no plans of taking me with him.... he was breaking up with me.

There was alot behind this decision. For one, he takes other's opinions to heart far to easily. He talked to the guys at work... and of course all the "guys" convinced him to ditch the girl and follow his dream. Because that's what real tough men do right? I think that I, also, was very into our relationship. I had been talking about buying homes... settling down.... etc etc... all the typical stuff that scares the crap right out of a guy. I think perhaps had his ex-wife not mutilated him when she left, he'd have been ok with it, but she was evil to him, and he was therefore a bit nervous about commitment. I can understand that.

So we were getting serious.. he wanted a big change in his life, he was scared and he basically decided that running was the best option.

That talk will forever live in my mind... I've never cried so hard... he's never cried so hard.... we were both devastate... and for what? We were obviously in love. Finally he got up and started packing some things... and I just lost it... and I grabbed him and I begged him to stay... I'd go where ever he wanted me to go... just don't leave.

And he melted into my arms... and we both fell onto our bed.. and sobbed.. and clung to one another for dear life.

It was decided that we'd both go to NC if that's truly what he wanted. I would follow him.... I loved him.... and he despite his doubt... loved me just as much.

We booked a flight.... and we flew down. He had an interview at Dale Earnhardt Inc... and one with Tony Steward's team. We visited all the shops and took in the sights. It was actually kind of awesome... But I hated it there. It was flat, and ugly and industrial. I never wanted to leave NH.. its my home, its where my family is.

The end result of our trip was that he pretty much had a job.. but he had to move down first... and then just ask to start.

We got home... and we didn't really talk about it for a while. Then he started asking about when he should plan to go. He'd set us up with an apartment while I tried to find a job from NH.. and later go down with him.

And my heart was in a tug-o-war. I wanted to stay home... I wanted to settle down, get married and make babies. What was I supposed to do? In desperation he bought me a pug puppy.... to keep me company and hopefully fill the void that moving would create. It didn't' work.

We were at in impasse. And confrontation was on the horizon.

And so it happened. One day... as we drove to my parents for a visit. I just broke down and let it all out... and I gave the ultimatum. I don't want to leave.. I want to stay, I want to get married... and I want to make babies. If you want me... then you must choose.

I'd like to say it was easy decision for him..."Oh I chose you baby, no problem". But it wasn't. This was a dream he'd had since he was a child. He'd always wanted to move to NC someday. And his dad always made it clear that his success in life hinged upon the type of work he did.. not upon how great a family man he could be. (he still makes that clear, but that's another post all together). Barney felt that in order to be seen as successful in his father's eyes, this is what he must do... be in the racing industry.

But Barney's heart had other ideas... and so he was also torn. It was a couple of very rough months for us. He was having a very hard time choosing his future... and of course this tore me up... wasn't I an easy choice?

I'll never forget the day that he chose. Again I was crying and broken hearted... I told him what I wanted out of life.. and I could not have it any other way.

And he finally... with tears in his eyes.... said he loved me to much to leave, that he wanted me. I knew it was a hard for him to do that... part of him wanted to go... but a bigger part of him wanted to stay. He had to turn his back on the pressure he got from his father... and for once in his life... stand up on his own, and make his own choice. It was a big moment for him.

And so we decided to stay. It was a relief for me. But for Barney, he was right back into that mid-twenties crisis. He had no idea what to do now. He didn't want to stay at UNH as the tool guy.. he wanted something more. That's when he decided to become an Electrician. He'd been an electrician helper for a short period right when he graduated high school and he'd really liked it.

So despite already having a degree, he signed up for night school and got a job as an apprentice. He suddenly had purpose again... and better yet, his Dad was proud of him again.

Four years later he's finished, and he loves it. I've never seen such a dedicated Electrician. He's online almost every night in an Electrical chat forum, he still studies the code despite already passing his test, and he's looking to get involved with another co-worker working on alternate energy installations.. ie.. photovoltaic panels and windmills. He's so excited about his work, and you can see the smile in his eyes when he talks about it.

Of course I got my way also... he proposed about a year after our NC fiasco, we were married a few months later on January 27th in Vegas, and then that summer I came home, put my birth control on the coffee table and told him I wasn't taking it anymore. If he wanted sex, then we were having a baby. At first he was a bit taken by surprise, but then he got excited. And he got alot of sex... he couldn't complain about that to much.

I found out I was pregnant in August of that summer.. It happened fast, apparently despite my endometriosis, I am a fertile Myrtle. I was so excited about my positive pregnancy test that I called him on the phone to tell him, I couldn't even wait to see him in person.

He got home, hugged me, and with a twinkle of excitement in his eye he said "We're really having a baby???? Can I teach it things?" hahaha He was elated...

Rowan was born in April of 06... and its been a blur of time flying by since.

Barney and I are as solid as ever... although being parents takes a tole on any marriage... we still are very much dedicated to this being a forever thing.

And despite the difficulty he had choosing this life.... He is the happiest most dedicated Father I have ever seen. He and Rowan have a bond unlike any other. She has him wrapped around her little finger...

I know he loves her more than me... and I'm totally ok with that.