Friday, January 30, 2009

After Sex Deep Thoughts - 4th Edition

I've grown quite fond of this weekly blog post. Come on, is anything really as interesting as the thoughts that go through your mind after a good flogging?

Last night I thought upon the awkward nature of mine and hub's sex life. Yes, awkward I say.

Lets start with the basics. I am not a prude.. but I still get a bit embarrassed by things. My hub's on the other hand, totally wears his emotions and thoughts on his sleeve. He has no qualms what so ever with voicing his wants and needs. I on the other hand, find it very difficult to speak my mind if emotions or personal wants are involved. All comes back to those big walls I've built up around myself I guess.

I've mentioned before that it makes me very uncomfortable at times when people openly express their emotions.. or wants... I just clam up, and I don't know how to act or what to say.

This is all applies to hub and I's sex life.

Example... last evening.... we're hanging out in bed.. Watching Good Eats... a commercial comes on and hubs turns to me and asks..."Are you too tired to give me a hand job?"

I immediately freeze.... huge walls of protection come slamming down around me... and I sit staring at him in disbelief with an uncomfortable half bewildered look on my face.

I don't want to hurt his feelings... but his openness and shameless request has completely freaked me out. Not because I don't want to fool around with him, but simply because he was comfortable enough to voice his desires... and this has totally shut me down.

I say not one word.. I just look at him.... still uncomfortable. Unsure of what to do.

I shouldn't' say that this behavior has totally shocked me. He does this all the time..."want a quickie"....."want to fool around" and other sexual suggestions too obscene to mention here, drip from his mouth often. And it has always been very off putting and uncomfortable for me.

I struggle with this. He's my husband. Shouldn't' we be able to be open and honest with one another? I think so... but I can't "act" so.

He finally broke the ice....he half heartedly apologized because he could see the horror in my face no doubt. And then he asked me how he was supposed to talk to me about these things, since his current tactic was obviously not working out so well for him.

And so I very uncomfortably took my walls down and attempted to explain to him how this "asking" affected me and why it turned me off so much.

He listened patiently.. and he told me understood and was glad I finally told him why it bothered me so much.

I was able to tell him that the best way to approach me was with passionate kisses and direct acts as opposed to words.

Acts I can handle... I can handle my hubs kissing me softly, and giving me that twinkle in his eye...

I CAN'T handle him begging me for a blow job in the middle of a commercial for Geico.

Am I nuts?

Would this disturb you? Do your husbands do this? Am I just crazy?

Needless to say our discussion abruptly ended in a very enthusiastic kiss from the hubs......

and about two seconds later.... "MAMA!!!!!".....

Yup.. the kid was awake hahahahah poor hubs.. I could hear his penis sigh.

Thankfully she just wanted me to help her pee.... and then she went right back to sleep.

And hubs and I were able to pick up right where we left off. And I was totally ok with that.


*~*Lis*~* said...

It's chuck's birthday today - and i was flat out asked to provide a birthday BJ this morning.

Amanda said...

Hi! Katrina's SIL here. I just HAD to comment because I really thought I was the only one who felt this way. I read your blog and it was like I was reading my thoughts, only I could never put them into words. My hubby is CONSTANTLY saying things like that, and like you, I just don't know how to react. I would much rather respond to acts, not words. But I think that, because we now have kids, he feels like he needs to seize his opportunity quickly or the moment will pass.

Anabelle said...

hahaha i'm so glad that i"m not the only one! lol

seriously... lol Who says stuff like that? well. men I guess hahaha

I just can't handle it! lol

I feel like its just as bad as scheduling it in... yes 9pm dear.. i'll meet you upstairs for a BJ. lol


hopefully now that we've talked he lay off lol

healthily sanguine said...

I randomly found your blog through a crochet blog, but I just had a comment on this post. I think you are not crazy and it's not just walls around yourself that make you uncomfortable. I think it's that by asking you directly for favors like that he makes you an instrument of his pleasure rather than wooing you and making you feel desired. You are a woman, a person, with dignity and worthy of respect and love. He can and should make love to you, but he should never treat you as something to be used for his gratification. I don't think this is prudishness or guy vs. girl outlook; I think it's just basic. My $0.02. :)