Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Late Night Musings - An expanded post

So Elissa found my comments this morning about my After Sex Deep Thoughts post, quite amusing. Particularly the bit about my black lover with the long shlong that nearly killed me. She laughed even harder when I told her the rest of the story.. so I thought I'd share with all.

Said gentleman was another man I met online. He was a single Dad, accountant, with an obsession with collecting DVDs. Literally went to the store every Tuesday to pick up the latest releases.

Overall though, we had fun on our dates.

Our last date was at his apartment where we snuggled on his couch and watched a couple of his new movies... don't ask me which, I can't remember.. I do remember one of them was scary and I hate scary movies.. way to sucker the girl into holding onto you tight.

Anyhoodle... we snuggled... and about half way through the 2nd movie, things got a little steamy.

We headed off to his bedroom where things got... err... hot and heavy.

The story takes a turn for the comical at the end of our evening's... ummm... activities??

Mr. Well hung was coming towards the end of his... rope... to put it delicately... and at the moment of his glorious finish.... his mouth opened in exasperation.... and out flew the blob of double mint spearmint gum he had been chewing.

Why gum in the mouth during sex??? I don't know.. I never asked.

Anyhoodle.... said piece of gum came flying out of his mouth... and hit me in the back of the head.... (I feel as though I've given to much information with that description but I don't know how else to say it)

Of course my long flowing curly red hair was down... and thus it engulfed the mass of sticky chewing gum completely.... and I heard.. "Oh shit, my gum" as if I hadn't noticed.

We both embarrassingly laughed... cleaned dressed, and guilty Mr. Well Hung had to cut the offensive piece of sticky mess out of my hair before I shamefully drove home to the awaiting half ex husband.

It rocked.

The next day I shot him an email. As mentioned the sex in and of itself was extremely painful. I don't know if it was just his gargantuan size, or the fact that I had endometriosis (and therefore a sensitive cervix)... but I could never go through such pain again.

I told him politely that his anatomy was a bit more than I could handle comfortably, and therefore I was going to have to regretfully decline seeing him again.

His email was back was understanding. He asked if he could use our email on his online profile as a joke to lure woman... I granted permission with a smile... and the then thanked me for the best breakup excuse ever... and we parted ways.

Thus ends the story of Mr. Well Hung.